Archive for March, 2011

  • Why Are Larry Page and I So Different? (or…why didn’t Google buy my company?)
    Posted by on March 31st, 2011 at 7:05 pm, Comments: 0

    Every part of my body woke up in a sweat because now, for one of the first times ever, I was in love and I had no clue if the love was being requited. It was around 2 in the morning. I couldn’t get the feeling out of my head. It was a giddy feeling. Like I was in high school and I had just spent two hours talking to the mysterious girl at the party who then had to go. Or like I had just jumped off the tip of the diving board and was flying through the air in full anticipation of the water that would cover me in kisses when I landed.

  • How Snooki can Stop Violent and Sex-Crazed Children (and help you live a stress-free life)
    Posted by on March 30th, 2011 at 1:16 pm, Comments: 0

    Wow, there’s this guy screaming in my ear. We were all enjoying a party. I was having fun. I was talking to people, overcoming my usual shyness, even making people laugh a little, when suddenly someone comes in, uninvited and starts screaming.

    Suddenly, everyone stops their conversations and looks at the person screaming. The person screaming is not ugly or tall or short or anything. He’s just screaming. And he’s screaming non-stop things to make people worry. And he’s so loud we all forget the conversations we were having and now we’re only listening to him. I can’t get him out of my head now.

  • How to Become a Superhero (or…why I would never donate to a major charity)
    Posted by on March 30th, 2011 at 8:12 am, Comments: 0

    A few years ago there was a story in the NY Post about a boy who had been locked in a closet almost from the time he was born until he was about fifteen years old. I might not have the exact details right. His parents fed him food but never let him out of the closet. So he never grew properly and he was only about 80 pounds or maybe less. The authorities took him away and put him in some sort of home for abused kids. His parents were arrested and are presumably now in jail.

  • How To Speed-Read Faster Than the Speed of Light
    Posted by on March 29th, 2011 at 6:38 pm, Comments: 0

    Unlike Naomi Klein, I am actually very good at not only judging a book by its cover but I can completely read a book from beginning to end just by looking at its cover.

    And you can too!

    (Naomi Klein trained alongside me in the speedreading slums of Mumbai where to read slow meant certain fast death. We both survived but took vastly different paths to use our mastery to help the world.)

  • Why “Dancing With the Stars” Doesn’t have a Robot Champion
    Posted by on March 28th, 2011 at 7:47 am, Comments: 0

    I timed it so I would walk past Lisa’s house precisely when I thought she was going to leave. She wasn’t there. So I walked around the block. I passed her house again. Still no Lisa. Hmm. I walked around the block again. Maybe she was taking a long shower and forgot what time it was. It was time to go to school and run into me in the street so she would love me. Still no Lisa.