Archive for August, 2011

  • Abolish the Presidency. It’s a Useless Job.
    Posted by on August 31st, 2011 at 2:59 pm, Comments: 0

    We’re all gearing up now for the biggest extravaganza since Bristol Palin was on Dancing With the Stars. The Presidential Election of 2012. Everyone is […]

  • Shut Up
    Posted by on August 30th, 2011 at 2:51 pm, Comments: 0

    Stop talking for a second. There’s already enough words on this planet. Everyone scaring everyone else. Everyone telling each other what they should do. How […]

  • “I Want to Die”
    Posted by on August 28th, 2011 at 5:44 pm, Comments: 0

    One guy I worked closely with in the Internet boom killed himself about a year ago. His father had died recently and he was very […]

  • Claudia Has Lyme Disease
    Posted by on August 26th, 2011 at 7:44 pm, Comments: 0

    Claudia just came down with Lyme disease. It’s a horrible disease because it’s difficult to diagnose. It has about 100 different symptoms and they pop […]

  • 7 Things I Learned from the First Blogger
    Posted by on August 24th, 2011 at 1:55 pm, Comments: 0

    I was first called “Charlie Brown” in 8th grade. I refused to stand up and say the Pledge of Allegiance with the other kids. I […]

  • Stealing Isn’t Good…I Think
    Posted by on August 23rd, 2011 at 6:03 pm, Comments: 0

    I stole about $15 from a guy on my paper route. I forget the exact amount. He accidentally gave me the wrong bill as a […]

  • Shakespeare is Awful, Jefferson was a Rapist, and Pi is Useless
    Posted by on August 22nd, 2011 at 2:20 pm, Comments: 0

    I’m going to be dead honest just to clear the air on this one: I only have a vague idea what Pi does. I could […]

  • How to Be a Human
    Posted by on August 20th, 2011 at 10:28 am, Comments: 0

    “james altucher is a f’ing idiot on parade” someone wrote on a message board the other day. I don’t really like parades. But it got […]

  • Success is a Sexually Transmitted Disease
    Posted by on August 18th, 2011 at 4:27 pm, Comments: 0

    Let’s be straight out honest: Success is a contagious disease. By the way, it starts out as a sexually transmitted disease. If you want to […]

  • Girls, Girls, Girls
    Posted by on August 17th, 2011 at 4:14 pm, Comments: 0

    “Does it bother you,” I asked him, “the thought that another guy is now this very moment kissing her or even doing more?” “I don’t […]