Girls, Girls, Girls

Jealousy

“Does it bother you,” I asked him, “the thought that another guy is now this very moment kissing her or even doing more?”

“I don’t really think about it.” Richard said.

Richard had an arrangement with his ex-girlfriend. He had gone out with her for five years but now they were broken up. But whenever he was back in Boston, she’d move out of her current boyfriend’s house and spend the week with Richard. Then Richard would come back to Pittsburgh and she’d go back to her current boyfriend. Her current boyfriend was okay with the whole thing.

“But I don’t understand,” I said, “she’d be with you and you’d even be inside of her and the very day before some other guy was inside of her. Doesn’t  that bother you?”

“Well,” Richard said, “I guess it does a little.”

“Like, literally, some guy’s penis was inside of her and was coming inside of her within twenty four hours of you coming inside of her. Sort of like a farewell sex before she had to go over to your place. And she was all excited for him while he was inside of her. That would have to bother you a little?

“Yeah,” Richard said, “that would bother me.”

“Would she have orgasms with you or would she just save that for the other guy?”

The lights were out while we were talking. I could barely make out the outline of Richard’s face.  Suddenly the woman sitting in front of us in the movie theater turned around and yelled really loud:

“WHO THE FUCK CARES!”

Wow, I said to Richard later, some people are really rude.

(Love is complicated)

A girl I was going out with told me a story. Her best friend, Beth, had just  gotten married. Beth and her new husband had gone to Hawaii for the wedding and honeymoon. They were having a great time. Hawaii is beautiful, it was romantic, the food was great, the dancing was great and lots of activities during the day.

One day they went scuba diving. It should be noted that Beth looked great in a bikini.

The scuba diving was over and they were walking back to the hotel. Beth said to her new husband. “Shit, I forgot my thermos on the boat.” Her husband said, ok, I’ll see you back at the hotel. Hurry up.

So Beth went back on the boat, in her bikini. And got her thermos.

And had sex with the scuba diving instructor.

“Wow,” I said to the girl that told me the story, “that really bothers me.”

“Listen,” she said, “I have to go. There’s a dinner planned.”

It was four in the morning. I was walking up and down the streets of Soho talking to her on the phone. She was in Hawaii, having just been in the wedding party of her friend, Beth. I couldn’t sleep at all that night.

(never forget your scuba gear)

Ezo was a professional madam from Liberia. She was also a regular on a popular radio show and lived right next door to me in the somewhat decadent building I was living in. Girls were all the time going in and out of her apartment to be “interviewed”.

One girl would look beautiful to me but Ezo said the girl was too fat for her clients. Ezo was gay and most girls would have sex with Ezo first before she would hire them to be prostitutes. “I can hook you up with a girl,” she would always tell me. We spoke almost every day. “No thanks,” I said, “A) all of these girls have diseases. B) why would I want to be with someone who is having sex with dozens of guys a week. C) Most of these girls don’t even like guys. D) why would I want to pay for sex?”

“You think you can get a pretty girl like one of these girls by yourself?” Ezo said. “Not a chance. These are the best girls in the world. This is your only way to do it.” Which further convinced me I didn’t want to do it.

One girl was particularly beautiful. Venus. “I charge $5000 an hour for her. And then she gets big tips on top of that. She has a boyfriend,” Ezo told me.

“Why doesn’t her boyfriend mind what she does for a living?”

“She just bought him a boat,” Ezo said, “do you think he asks any questions?”

When Ezo was finally arrested they found $215,000 cash in her apartment according to the NY Post, $619,000 in bank accounts, and a “70,000 limo”. Last I heard she was living in a mansion in Liberia and she was going to marry the son of the President of Liberia.

(being a professional Madam is a risky job)

[Note: all names and countries were changed]

I like to listen to music when I write. I put on headphones so I don’t bother Claudia in the next room. I tend to listen to the same song over and over. Yesterday it was “This is not a love song” by Nouvelle Vague. I was thinking of listening to that song again.

When I sat down to write this morning, Claudia said to me, “are you going to listen to music? Because I can still hear it through the headphones.”

“I won’t listen to anything,” I said.

“Good,” she said, “because the rain outside sounds so nice and I want to listen to it and stay downstairs.”

So I’m not listening to music this morning. It’s not worth it. The world is a scary place. And I don’t want to scare her away.

Related Posts:

How to Spy On People, and other stories of true love

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  • Anonymous

    Your wife sounds lovely. I hope I am that lucky someday.

    Congratulations both of you, on finding each other.

  • http://twitter.com/TheAcsMan George Acs

    How come CNBC doesn’t invite you on the air to predict 2012 end of the year prices of high end hookers?

  • Alexander

    Hi James – This site could help you with good, calming bacground sound for writing: http://www.soundsleeping.com/; I use the birdsong and bonfire options, which are very calming and help clear my head.  See this 5 minute TED Talk for how sound impacts our psychology and productivity: http://blog.ted.com/2009/10/16/the_4_ways_soun/; just think about how being on a sales/trading floor for years can impact health and mental acuity!   Thanks for all the wonderful posts and keep up the great work!

    • Bart

      Link should be: http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/julian_treasure_the_4_ways_sound_affects_us.html

    • http://jamesaltucher.com James Altucher

      thanks for these posts. I love the ted talks so I’m going to listen to that.

  • Anonymous

    “some people are really rude.” EPIC

  • guest

    You just supported what I have been thinking for awhile.

  • Anonymous

    Once again your blogs are uncomfortable to read
    They are skilled
    They seem honest
    And they bring up something I either did, thought of doing, or was was done to me.

    Had a SCUBA instructor that was wearing a bikini but I did not bring a thermos. She probably would have beaten me with it anyway and I believe pain is pleasure leaving the body. To be avoided.

    I’m sure you enjoy writing this over Financial blogs but reading blogs on equities does not kick my soul in the nuts. Oh well it’s my choice to read or not.

    Interesting post.  Have fun.

  • Marc

    Wasn’t Beth’s story the premise for Along Came Polly?  Are you for scuba?

    • http://jamesaltucher.com James Altucher

      Sounds like I don’t want to see that movie.

  • http://what-are-my-options.blogspot.com/ the99th

    The more I interact with women the more I’m convinced that romance and sexual honor were ideas invented by men to try and control women as human evolution drifted from the genetic to the memetic. 

    Sometimes it helps me to consider the girl’s point of view as that of a company, and the proposition of a relationship as a business relationship, takes all the sting out of it. 

    • pjc

      ” the girl’s point of view as that of a company, and the proposition of a relationship as a business relationship”

      You’re saying women think that way, but not men!?

      • http://what-are-my-options.blogspot.com/ the99th

        I don’t actually think they do tend to think that way. I think if they’re thinking that way, you’ve pretty much already lost. And when is say, already lost, I mean you might get into a relationship or even married, but you’ll never truly capture the whole of it, and Scuba Steve will always be waiting along the vectors of probability. 

        But if I tell myself they think that way it helps me be less selfish. 

      • http://what-are-my-options.blogspot.com/ the99th

        I don’t actually think they do tend to think that way. I think if they’re thinking that way, you’ve pretty much already lost. And when is say, already lost, I mean you might get into a relationship or even married, but you’ll never truly capture the whole of it, and Scuba Steve will always be waiting along the vectors of probability. 

        But if I tell myself they think that way it helps me be less selfish. 

    • http://jamesaltucher.com James Altucher

      For me, its all just complicated and scary. When i can find moments of peace and happiness in a relationship, I’m very grateful for it.

      • http://what-are-my-options.blogspot.com/ the99th

        Yes. 

        • http://what-are-my-options.blogspot.com/ the99th

          Oh I’ve got a column on Gamasutra about social games that is increasingly influenced by your writing style, and I’ve got a few entries that touch on this kind of stuff, would be great to get your feedback on some of it. 

        • http://what-are-my-options.blogspot.com/ the99th

          Oh I’ve got a column on Gamasutra about social games that is increasingly influenced by your writing style, and I’ve got a few entries that touch on this kind of stuff, would be great to get your feedback on some of it. 

      • http://what-are-my-options.blogspot.com/ the99th

        Yes. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=731404650 Arianna O’Dell

    Pretty sure the scuba instructor story is the plot of this movie. :) http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0343135/reviews

    • http://jamesaltucher.com James Altucher

      My story pre-dates it. But it guarantees I won’t see that movie.

    • http://jamesaltucher.com James Altucher

      My story pre-dates it. But it guarantees I won’t see that movie.

  • http://www.736hundred.tumblr.com 736hundred

    ….yet another reason to never will the diamonds to daughter- in-laws.

  • http://www.facebook.com/nils.meyer3 Nils Meyer

    Hehe you were really being a prick to Richard, he probably compartmentalized those thoughts as tight as possible. 

    The other lesson I take from this is that women are evil ;) 

    • http://jamesaltucher.com James Altucher

      Well, please don’t take that from this! Women are every blessing.

      • http://www.facebook.com/nils.meyer3 Nils Meyer

        Has just been a recurring theme for me lately. 

    • http://jamesaltucher.com James Altucher

      Well, please don’t take that from this! Women are every blessing.

  • pjc

    So, at the time you were hassling Richard for his unconventional relationship, were you, for lack of a better phrase, “getting any”. 

    I’ve dated a few, ahh, Reubenesque women in my day. And caught some serious flack from my male friends for doing so. And, strangely, it seemed like the guys who had like two dates a year were always the guys bringing the most harsh.

    • http://jamesaltucher.com James Altucher

      Ha, I can’t remember if it was during a slow period or if I had something steady going. But I certainly wasn’t happy so I was always curious about other people’s alternative situations where they seemed to be getting some happiness.

      Ultimately i was scared I woulnd’t be happy and I wanted to know if _I WAS_ the crazy person.

      • pjc

        Yeah, maybe you were a little jealous. Richard had a pretty good thing going, but it looked like he was cheating, so you probed him on it.

        That’s always the probably with coloring outside the lines. Even if your picture comes out looking great, you can’t really show it to anyone, because they always say you cheated.

  • mousketeer

    there is no integrity left in the world
    I have no idea why anyone would get married…after all, MOST THINGS IN LIFE DON’T WORK OUT

    • http://jamesaltucher.com James Altucher

      Its definitely rare. But that’s ok. Else you’d stay home and do nothing.

      • Guest

         Tenet 11 of the American religion: Staying home and doing nothing is bad.

      • Syren

        This explains exactly why I stay home and do nothing LOL

      • Syren

        This explains exactly why I stay home and do nothing LOL

  • mousketeer

    Richard and girlfriend AND the girlfriends boy friend, all unhealthy people.  There are more unhealthy people in the world than there are psychologically healthy people.  Why in the hell would anyone agree to this type of arrangement is beyond me.

  • John H.

    “One girl was particularly beautiful. Venus. “I charge $5000 an hour for her. And then she gets big tips on top of that.”

    I would like to think if a guy has $5000 or more to spend on a hooker – he has a really small tip… for her.

  • John H.

    “One girl was particularly beautiful. Venus. “I charge $5000 an hour for her. And then she gets big tips on top of that.”

    I would like to think if a guy has $5000 or more to spend on a hooker – he has a really small tip… for her.

  • http://economicdisconnect.blogspot.com/ GYSC

    I am sort of all over the place on this.  Maybe one of the only things that can really be just between two people is sex (hence kept between two partners exclusive);But I think people get too caught up on what sex “means”, one of the last free fun things to do, too many hang ups on it.  I guess in the end if I am on my deathbed I will think of all the help, attention, care, and friendship my wife gave me over the years, not if/where/when I banged her and her stripper friend at the same time while yelling like Tarzan.  At least I think that is how it will go….. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/jahed.momand Jahed Momand

    I have listened to that exact same song like 72 times in one day once, when grinding poker online!

  • http://www.facebook.com/jahed.momand Jahed Momand

    I have listened to that exact same song like 72 times in one day once, when grinding poker online!

  • http://www.736hundred.tumblr.com 736hundred

    “But I don’t understand,” I said, “she’d be with you and you’d even be
    inside of her and the very day before some other guy was inside of her.
    Doesn’t  that bother you?”

    And the day before that, the “other guy” that was inside of his girlfriend could have been inside of a goat. I mean really, there is no way to know. 

    (poor goat)

  • http://www.736hundred.tumblr.com 736hundred

    “But I don’t understand,” I said, “she’d be with you and you’d even be
    inside of her and the very day before some other guy was inside of her.
    Doesn’t  that bother you?”

    And the day before that, the “other guy” that was inside of his girlfriend could have been inside of a goat. I mean really, there is no way to know. 

    (poor goat)

  • cindyluwho

    Different arrangements work for different people. I have seen some very bizarre situations that work for all involved. Personally I prefer to keep it simple…but let’s face it even with total monogomy things can get complicated…it’s all scary.

  • anonymous

    Girls are assholes plain and simple.  They use you for sex, cuddling, or some dimwit to talk to till they tire and move on.  The pathetic ones call you days later, tell you they love you and want you back, and only a desperate fool goes back.  Sometimes I wish I had been one of those desperate fools, then I remember how much I was disgusted to be with them in the first place.

    The best are the girls you fall in love with, whom you spend hours for days on end talking to, and then tell you they aren’t looking for anything serious.  That never gets tiring.

    Sorry to rant James, things suck right now and you should be happy to have met someone so great like Claudia.

    • http://twitter.com/fzeng96 Feng Z

      girls are people too. people has asshole. people take shit. maybe you need to lower your expectation a little bit.

      • http://jamesaltucher.com James Altucher

        I agree. I dont think this is what this article is about. Girls are certainly the best thing to ever happen to me :)  So to take that from this article was not my intent.

    • http://www.brookefarmer.com Brooke Farmer

      You know, at some point in her life every woman out there has felt this exact same way about men. 

      In the end, it doesn’t work out when the “fit” isn’t right. There are so many factors. I think it’s pretty rare that the man or the woman is just a straight up asshole. 

      Everyone has felt used at some point. In some cases it’s legitimate. In some cases there are pieces to the puzzle you might not see. But don’t write off an entire gender of people. We are just looking for that right fit, same as you. We’re not all assholes, everyone is just trying to find happiness. 

      • http://twitter.com/kamalravikant Kamal Ravikant

        Nicely said.

    • Steven L Goff

      wow….that was great! I enjoyed reading that more than the article above.

  • Kellyrobert119

    Well with all due respect, and since you still appear to be confused aabout women, i will take Gods word in deference, it says that all woman are evil as well as men.  I was just reading a primer of Freud and he claimed that man’s has a dominant irrationality that overtakes his rationality, again, i will defer to God who says “all fall short, no one does good, no not one. ” Its ok not to marry too bible says in 1 cor 7.  So in conclusion and with the need to not waste time, i hope to either stay single or get married before i mess aroudn with sex, which could lead me into killing my own son or daughter with me not being able to do anything about it.

  • http://www.breakingzero.com Brian Yang

    Yeesh, sharing the same girl with no condom and no pullout? I’d definitely wrap it up at least if I were to accept that kind of situation.

    But then again, I wouldn’t in the first place.

  • Dixx

    that hawaii story , reminded me of Along Came Polly !

  • Stevebalmer

    Given the choice of sharing or getting nothing. Maybe sharing was better as long as there is no all or nothing mentality.

  • C. Martin

    How come I never meet these kinds of women!? Haha or maybe I do and I’m never on the part with the extra perks!

  • Chuck

    Blue monday is the greatest nouvelle vague song ever!
    Do you like Hurt by Johnny Cash?

    • http://jamesaltucher.com James Altucher

      Checking both out right now.

      • Chuck

        and? what do you think?

        • http://jamesaltucher.com James Altucher

          so far…been listening to blue monday over and over again while playing chess online and ignoring market.

          • Chuck

            good song eh
            did 3 trades, stopped out on all 3 of em, 1 b/e 2 for a loss
            good thing my longerterm positions are working out
            going to grab a slice of pizza in a bit
            not focussed enough

    • http://www.brookefarmer.com Brooke Farmer

      I love Blue Monday. We used that song years ago when I used to dance semi-profesionally. 

    • http://twitter.com/_sf Steven Fruchter

      Hurt by Johnny Cash…written and played first by Nine Inch Nails…but it seems like it was made for Johnny…simply amazing.

  • http://manonthestreet.com manonthestreet

    Wow james….lots of judgement towards hookers. Try for a second to grasp the ‘honesty’ they afford, no pun intended.

    • http://jamesaltucher.com James Altucher

      I have no judgement on them. I just didn’t want to indulge. I have no judgement ethically on any of them at all. Quite the opposite.

      • http://manonthestreet.com manonthestreet

        Perhaps I misread….

        I will clear my mind and head in for a second read….

        Keep up the good work…

  • Anonymous

    EPIC article indeed!

  • Pete

    If you want some insight into what someone might be thinking when they have multiple sexual partners (or more specifically, when their partners openly have sex with other people than them), you might try reading The Ethical Slut. It’s a ligt read, you might find it interesting.

  • Sussan

    A woman has one commodity when all else fails, her body.. Sad as that is, it explains how professional madams trade in 5000 dollar prostitutes. The demand is there. It’s about power and possession. It’s also fantasy, a power that is alluring and intimidating. Is that what I am reading? Ever spent hours chronicaling the transactions of virtuous female relatives? Your female Professors? Nurses? Librarians? Naw, didn’t think so. Sexy is scary, so scary is sexy? Yawnnnnn. Wish some guy somewhere would GET it  . . . and stop mystifying women.

    • http://jamesaltucher.com James Altucher

      Did do that? I don’t think I understand your comment. Should I chronicle something other than stuff that has been impactful to me?

      • Sussan

        Well, I did wonder if the piece would have been the same if your title had been “Women, Women, Women” Just sayin’.

        • http://jamesaltucher.com James Altucher

          It actually was a play on the Elvis movie, “Girls, Girls, Girls”. I liked that movie when I was a kid.

          • Sussan

            Lady Gaga has one called, “Boys, Boys, Boys” Definitely sexy-scary.http://youtu.be/9RYuhrAbVmU

          • all-for-one

            Lady GaGa and her low status followers are the answer.  hahaha

          • Sussan

            Hardly. Perhaps the antithesis?

  • doug graves

    Nice post… a sort of Annie Hall meets A Moveable Feast.

  • Dgarber

    I remember an old saying that man is an animal whose reach exceeds his grasp. Never is this more true than in our caring relationships. Each relationship is a leap of faith and full of the unknowable, full of the possibility of pain. We can’t know for certain about the other person’s feelings and we rely upon our faulty perception to give us hints and clues.

    In the end, we can only rely on the goodness we saw in them in the first moment when we started to care and the shared experiences to hold back our doubts and fears.

    Buy a better set of headphones, James. It’s the considerate thing to do…

  • Steven L. Goff

    “Like, literally, some guy’s penis was inside of her and was coming inside of her within twenty four hours of you coming inside of her. Sort of like a farewell sex before she had to go over to your place. And she was all excited for him while he was inside of her. That would have to bother you a little?

    ”……That is awesomely funny

  • Steven L. Goff

    Sooooooooooo  Claudia is all the way downstairs and she says “she can still hear the music while you have your headphones on”…and she dont like it because she wants to hear the raindrops hit the house/apartment whatever…..lol

    yeaaaaaaaaaaaaa good luck there James…I cant wait to get married so the woman I coned into having sex with me daily can cut my balls off ASAP.

  • Gregd

    I have enjoyed emailing this blog to female friends , with out a comment – they are not sure to laugh or be insulted . well done James .

  • Glyn

    brilliantly written as usual when you read them it treminds me why i’m cynical 

  • Mikhael_andrew

    “Yesterday it was “This is not a love song” by Nouvelle Vague. I was thinking of listening to that song again.”
    Try “Dance with Me” by Nouvelle Vague. This time ask Claudia to join you.

  • Anonymous

    But weren’t you ever the scuba instructor?
    Girls are verbs.
    It might be interesting to switch the default comment icon to female.

  • Anonymous

    Really great post. I have only noticed that most of the women enjoy nasty bad with someone for  money while some of women are passionate about sex.
    London escorts

  • Alessandro

    This is not your best post and in the last period you are boring me.
    So, girls (women) are bad, you are so good, like your wife. Unfortunately you can’t now hear the music with headphones, because you are disturbing her (???). Oh yes, you are lucky to have such a wonderful wife with all the bad girls out there. Your small, yoga/manga, small routine, writing/reading world is so exciting and good, when the world out there is so poor and scary(??).

    Women are selling what Men (or small men) want to buy. If the demand stops there is no offer!
    The reality is that we (you and me) are not the scuba instructor!
     
    I am really scared of your world and your wife and I prefer read something about ‘real scaring world’. So let the family sauce inside home and please explain why people should invest only in what they understand, why the US will not get bankrupted, why Warren Buffet pays only 18% taxes, and so on…

    • http://jamesaltucher.com James Altucher

      I dont say anywhere women are bad. Quite the opposite. I don’t really want to waste time writing why the US won’t be bankrupted. Read any of my other articles. Why are you so angry at this post?

    • http://jamesaltucher.com James Altucher

      I dont say anywhere women are bad. Quite the opposite. I don’t really want to waste time writing why the US won’t be bankrupted. Read any of my other articles. Why are you so angry at this post?

  • Anonymous

     band name: Mid Level Hookers.

  • http://twitter.com/datingadultsite huge boobs

    Is these  true stories whats wrong with the world oh I mean people the world is just fine.