Archive for August, 2011

How to Be a Human

parade

“james altucher is a f’ing idiot on parade” someone wrote on a message board the other day. I don’t really like parades. But it got me to wonder about the psychology of people who take valuable time out of their day to write things like that. Not just about me but about anyone. In general […] Read On…

Success is a Sexually Transmitted Disease

pee

Let’s be straight out honest: Success is a contagious disease. By the way, it starts out as a sexually transmitted disease. If you want to have sex with pretty girls or pretty boys then you need to at least convince yourself you’re successful in some way. This builds confidence and libido, which leads to more […] Read On…

Girls, Girls, Girls

Jealousy

“Does it bother you,” I asked him, “the thought that another guy is now this very moment kissing her or even doing more?” “I don’t really think about it.” Richard said. Richard had an arrangement with his ex-girlfriend. He had gone out with her for five years but now they were broken up. But whenever […] Read On…

The Day I Lent a Billionaire Too Much Money

heidi

One time I was lying down on the sidewalk near the movie theater at Union Square. I used to like lying on sidewalks right around five or six PM, when everyone is rushing from one place (work) to another (fun). Letting people walk around me.  You might’ve seen me. It was 1999. It was getting […] Read On…

Urine, the IRS, and She’s Just a Small Town Girl

senator

In the summer after sixth grade I repeatedly wet the bed. They say the human body is 80% water. About 60% of that would come out of my penis every night while I was dreaming. They didn’t have pull-ups back then. Essentially diapers for sixth graders. So I just had rubber sheets that were completely […] Read On…

Nine Ways To Light Your Creativity ON FIRE

bed

I felt so ashamed. I had just lost my apartment in the city. I had no jobs. No prospects for jobs. No money. A few years earlier I had millions and then I had nothing. So I sold my apartment, scraped together some cash, and moved 70 miles north of the city. It was in […] Read On…

Magic, Sex, and Outer Space

2011-08-12 12.46.33

In 2002 I framed a $200 check from a company called thestreet.com. It was the first time I ever got paid for writing anything. When I went to get the frame, the guy said, “are you sure you don’t want to cash this?” “No way! Someone actually paid me to write words down on a […] Read On…