The Most Popular Way People Get to My Blog! Yay!


The single most popular way people have arrived at my blog who have no idea who I am (so this eliminates all social media) is by typing in the words “I Want to Die” into a search engine.

4,722 people did that this last month.

Specifically that phrase: “I Want to Die”. In Google. A smaller percentage typed: “how can I die?” Then they got to this post.

(my favorite comic char: Death from theSandman comics. if you cant see images go to


And it’s sort of obvious why.

They’ve lost money. We associate money with not only net worth but self worth. When we have less money we tend to get sick, stressed, depressed, and we lose touch with family and friends. It’s harder to be a good parent. It’s harder to be a good husband. We feel like a zero. Like a less than zero. Money doesn’t solve all  of our problems but it solves our money problems. Whenever I’ve lost money, or been down to zero, it’s been very hard for me to function.

People, as a society, stopped making money in 2007. Think about it – they always made money beforehand.

(Rosie the Riveter doubled the income of post-WW II homes)

In the 1950s for the first time ever we had dual income homes. That gave us extra spending money. Then a booming stock market in the 60s. Then inflation in the 70s boosted our incomes artificially. Then we had the 80s junk bond boom. Then we had the 90s Internet boom. Then the 00s housing boom. Then…


The government said, “don’t worry about it, we’ll step in.” So they printed up $1.6 trillion. Guess what? The banks now have an extra $1.6 trillion in the bank.

Someone forgot to give us the money!

55 years of spending fueled by double-income jobs, inflation, debt, stocks, and more debt. And now…nothing.

So what do people do? They type “I want to die” into Google and hit my blog. It was the most popular search term after “altucher”.

The second most popular search term for people hitting my blog. “live sex”. Because, naturally, people don’t want to watch “dead sex”.

(nobody wants this)

Suicide is a form of pornography. It’s frowned on upon society. It’s taboo to talk about it. In fact, if you talk about it too much everyone will think you need to consult a therapist. Most people won’t admit they’ve ever experienced suicidal thoughts. And with good reason, pornography and suicide are often associated with crazy weirdos.

There’s no real advice for people who want to die. You can’t say, “cheer up, bud, things get better.” Sometimes they don’t. You can check out this post to do a double-check and make sure that it’s not you that want to die but some feeling or situation inside of you.

I can’t give advice on this other than the above post. But just ask yours, what would happen if you changed everything?:

A)     Change your job

B)      Change your wife/relationship (but always take care of your kids)

C)      Change your friends (or double the time you spend with friends). Or make a new friend each day. Or contact an old friend.

D)     Never drink, smoke, do drugs

E)      Stop junk food

F)      Sell your house, move, downsize (anyone who is going to talk behind your back about you downsizing should die. Not you).

G)     Take up two hobbies you spend at least 2 hours a week each on. For me, I started taking chess lessons. And I’m still determined to do standup at some point. Or I want to take singing lessons.  I started my “idea muscle” by thinking up jokes for a standup routine and then calling  a friend in California who was a sitcom write and running them by him. One in ten were “decent” !

H)     Stop talking to anyone who brings you down, even if it’s your family. Just stop. Don’t show up for family gatherings. Don’t show up for friend gatherings if they bring you down. Doesn’t have to be forever.Just a break. If they get upset then its their problem. But completely stop. Block them on facebook if you have to. (See my post, How Deal with Crappy People. I also have an upcoming post: How to Deal With a Crappy Boss]

I)        Read funny books. Don’t read depressing stuff, like the news.

J)       Once a day read a spiritual text. Like the Bible. Or the Tao Te Ching. Or a book by the Dalai  Lama. It doesn’t matter.

K)      Say to yourself, “I’m going to save a life every day.” Sometimes that means you just smile at someone who didn’t expect it. Or you say, “you look good,” to a girl lost in their dreams walking on the sidewalk next to you

L)       Shower ever day. Guess what: in the shower there’s no phone, there’s no email, twitter, facebook, nobody wants you, and a side benefit: you get clean and you can daydream for awhile.

M)   Take the  stairs instead of an elevator. Easy exercise.

N)     Write a diary. Don’t write a to-do list. That’s stressful. Why be so ambitious. You want to kill yourself. That sucks. Write about everything you actually did today. Every little detail. You did a lot more than you think. Write it as a facebook note even. Let your friends know what you did today. They will be impressed and inspired.

O)     If you think, “everything would be better off if I were dead” then think, “that’s really cool. Now I can do anything I want but I can postpone this thought for awhile, maybe even a few months.” Because what does it matter now? The planet might not even be around in a few months. Who knows what could happen with all these solar flares. You know the ones I’m talking about.

P)      Do the “ ‘NO’ TRICK”. If you find yourself thinking of that special someone who is causing you some grief then whisper in your mind, “no”. Then, everytime  you think again of that person, whisper “no” a little louder. You may end up shouting “NO!” and everyone will think you’re crazy but that’s ok – you are crazy. You just typed “I want to die” into a search engine. That’s pretty crazy. This comes from the 70s pop psychology classic,”Don’t Say Yes When You Want to Say No”:

Q)     Sleep 8-9 hours a day. Even if you have to take medication to do it. For 15 years I woke up at 2am, anxious every day because of being an entrepreneur (that’s what entrepreneurs do). I had to take medication to sleep 7-8 straight hours.

R)    Tell someone every day that you love them (as long as they love you back, else DON’Ttell them).Doesn’t have  to be romantic love. Can be friendly love.

S)  Don’t have sex with someone you don’t love.

Anyway, this isn’t advice for the 4,722 people this past month who typed “I want to die” into Google and ended up on my blog. Maybe some of them need real help from a therapist or doctor.

But this is what I did when I wanted to die. Every one of these things. And here I am. I am still alive.


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Buy my book, “I Was Blind But Now I See”  – How to stop the brainwashing and learn to be happy.


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  • Jason Williams

    James, you’re quickly becoming one of my favorite bloggers.  Your posts reflect internal struggle and overcoming obstacles.  Very inspiring, thanks!

    • James Altucher

      Thanks Jason!

  • Anthony

    I love this blog but funnily enough I love this blog the most when I am down. This either shows how great your skills are or alternatively how great the google search engine is!

    Keep up the great work mate.


    • James Altucher

      Haha, Hmmm, I have to come up with some posts for when people are happy!

      • Kepeneter

        You’ve done so!  I am in the happiest 1%.  Still, I appreciate your guiding light.

  • hugo


    I stopped to drink caffeine (coffe & cokes). Now I go to bed early and wake up early and, paradoxically, I have a better day with more energy. And yes, now I sleep 8 hours and I feel much better, that is great advice..sleep well. 

    What I want to say, is that we can see our life as virtuous circles and vicious circles. 

    I was drinking coffe cause I was feeling tired, that caffeine didn´t allow me to sleep so I suffered of insomnia and went to bed so late..and of course the next day I was destroyed.

    I stopped drink that shit and automatically went to bed early and wake up early and feel full of energy. Of course the first week was horrible, but the next monday things improved.

    I changed my vicious circle for a virtuous circle.

    This is a small example but improved my life a lot. The lesson is: you can make a small change and improve your life a lot, even in a way you can´t imagine under your today mental state. 

    All our problems, or 99% of them come from a vicious circle. We must understand wich are the causes and effects and stops that vicious circle and change it for a virtuous one.

    Of course, for big problems is not as easy as to stop drink coffe, but nobody said was easy.

    Those who define better a problem have the highest probabilities to solve it.

    Sorry for my english. 

    Regards James.

    • Incognito

      That is great to hear someone else going through the same thing. I’ve given up soda and am trying to cut out caffeine all together. I am at the stage where I just need to quit. I haven’t had a soda in a month, but I still drink caffeinated tea and coffee everyday. Thanks for the advice!

  • KVigil

    Ok, great advice as usual! So, can you be an entrepreneur and actually sleep for 7-8 hours a night? I’d like to think you could.

    • James Altucher

       i Think you can but it’s hard. You have to really optimize your time during the day. For me it meant not playing online chess and not wasting email time. It also meant no prime time TV.

      • Dave Sandrowitz

        Have you read “Rework” by the 37signals guys?  If you were to ask them whether you can do it, they’d unequivocally say yes.  In fact, they’d say it is critical to being the best you can possibly be.  Get your rest, avoid distraction, organize your day so you can be maximally effective…no reasons not to kick ass if you do these things.

        That is their opinion, of course.  I think they are not the norm and I don’t see it coming to fruition in my own life exactly the same way, but I certainly aspire to it.

  • Dave Sandrowitz

    Really?  Never drink?  Man, a great glass of red wine or wonderful whisky makes my day.  I think the key is in not overdoing it, but I think abstaining completely would mean missing out on one of nature’s great gifts (nature aided by a few patient, committed individuals along the way).

    • James Altucher

      There are some health benefits to one glass of wine a day. The problem is, most people don’t keep it to one glass. And there is a lot of links to cancer and mortality when you have more than one drink on ANY day (i.e. it doesn’t matter if the average is one a day if you have 2 one day and zero the next). Also, its a depressant. So if already depressed, one needs ant-depressants. not depressants.

      • Dave Sandrowitz

        I guess I’m not depressed then, despite the stuff I sometimes write.  When I have a glass or two, I relax and get happy…or just sleepy.

        I’m not familiar with the links to cancer or lower mortality for more than one drink on any occasion, which sounds like what you are saying.  That WOULD make me depressed.

  • Jdpeak

    What sleep medicine is the best? Least side effects?

    • James Altucher

      I don’t really know. For each person it’s different depending on what the causes of your non-sleep are. If they are bladder related that’s completely different than if they are anxiety related.

      • Moshkosh

        I can tell you what works for me.  I bought a hot tub and 15-20 minutes in that thing to wram your blod before bed and you will absolutely collapse into the best sleep you ever had EVERY NIGHT

    • karen parmelee

      Personally, I use nite-time cold medicine. Non-addictive (for me) and does the job.

    • gregorylent

      meditation .. failing that, pranayama … the ancient spiritual techniques are supremely great.

      • James Altucher

        Some people, for real physical conditions, cannot sleep even with meditation. (Note: most pranayama techniques are used to STIMULATE the brain so you don’t fall asleep during meditation). Sometimes western medicine is the solution although meditation can’t hurt.

  • TheAcsMan

    Obviiously, I need a new demographic. My most popular search engine re-direct is based on the words “My wife’s bra”. Funny thing is that at least 75% of those come from Saudi Arabia. They stay more than 5 minutes, despite the obviously scrolling Amazon ad of Judaica for sale.

    I guess that even if you’re Saudi, saving money and maybe the thought of discovering soft core porn trumps religious issues. How else do you explain
    Sandy Weil and Prince Al Waleed (although I don’t know for certain that porn was involved)

    How my Wife’s Bra Saved us Money. Hundreds of Saudis can’t be wrong

  • Brian Costello

    Hey James – another great post.   My brother-in-law took his own life a few years ago around financial issues from the real estate collapse.   I wish I had read this article before that.   Gutsy article around a very tough issue. main lesson I learned is when a friend is having financial troubles don’t stay out of it.  I am not saying you should lend them money, but talk to them about it and try to help in other ways.  I stayed out of it because I didn’t think you should get involved in a family members issues unless they asked.  I ended up helping my sister with all the challenges after and there were a bunch of things that could have been done that might have made a huge difference.  The top mistake I made was not getting involved.   You can’t help anyone if you don’t try.

    BTW – this made the whole Belenos, .com bust look like child’s play.  Keep up the great work

    • 736hundred

      Sorry to hear about your BIL.

      During our rough  money spot, not one of my 3 siblings offered any support at all.  Not even an “I’m sorry to hear,” or even a nod of the head, or an offer to help us move, or an offer to help in any way.  Not a word from them in maybe a year now. We all live within 6 miles of each other. Not even a relayed message through my mother. Not one.

      During the toughest months there were times we both questioned living. Seriously.
      But we have a beautiful family, and we love each other….My family is everything to me. so we are getting through it without my family or origin. 

      My family of origin means nothing to me.  And that is one of my toughest realities to process.  An on going struggle to recognize and accept the truth, they aren’t and will never be there for me.

      If you care about anyone even as an acquaintance, and you know they are in trouble, let them know you care, they need support more than money.  Suicide is forever for those left behind. 

      • JohnL

        Hey 736 this is what I was saying to you back when.My brothers(3 of them anyway)are heartless and hateful and greedy.I have given up on them and many others.If you ever need help moving I am good at that and have helped many.Be well.

        • 736hundred

          Awe thanks JohnL.  You know when it happens..(at least for me) I wondered what did I ever do wrong to deserve this harshness, and coldness from my own family. 

          Right now I am a slave for my mother, while we get back on our feet. ( we live with her)  The woman never heard of the words “please” or “thank you.”  We believe she has been brainwashed with non-stop hatred from TV.  Everything she watches is hate filled and judgmental.

          Thanks for the offer as well. You never know, I may need the help, with the holidays coming up I am in a particularly awkward position. 

          Cheers Bud.

          • JohnL

            People don’t need a reason to treat others poorly,they often find something they can define as wrong so they can feel they are right.I was lucky that my mom and I were close.I hope your problems resolve quickly and you can get a place for you and yours.If you want to talk on a less public forum contact me here or on my page and I will provide an alternative.Still wishing you well,John.

  • Jdpeak

    Worry and fear cause my lack of sleep. But hate benzos. Sleep about 5 hr a night.

    • Jscott


      Trouble going to sleep or waking up during?

  • jonathanmatthey

    Wow james – i thought it might appear on Page 10… but TOP HIT !!


    what’s your SEO secret ??? hehehe

    another great philosophical post, love the blog.

  • Nfamous365


    Thank you so much for all you do, you are truly a rational light in a dark crazy world!!
    One question though…..when can we expect the “How to Deal with Crappy People the Family/Parents” post?  (Not interacting with them only works for so long…..eventually you get sucked back in…..only to be reminded of why you stopped interacting with them.) 

  • David Gay

    I don’t agree with ALL of these points (such as the spiritual text reading), but in general, this is a pretty good guide to being happy.

    • James Altucher

      Spiritual texts often have withstood the test of time as books on how to be happy. Just like if Britney Spears did a cover of John Lennon’s “Imagine” it would probably be a hit. So the idea is not to find a “mysterious” god but just to read from texts that  have beaten out all the other texts at making people happy.

  • John

    Great post James

    As a side note, when I type in “I want to die” in google, I dont that blog post anywhere…then I realised because I am using the Canadian version of google….(

    When i used, your blog showed up

    I wonder why some countries have higher suicide rates that others. I read somewhere that Japan has the highest rate of suicide among millionaires. I think its because of spiritual starvation. We are feeding our minds and bodies, but we are neglecting our souls.

  • Gavin Griffiths

    my blog ranks first for “abu hamza coat hook” . although it has to be said that the blog is what might be described as abandoned.  not like this one which is super splendid – a rare openess in a world of bullshit.

  • Anonymous

    Eye-opening post. A young family member commuted suicide last Saturday. His funeral is tomorrow. I have to say if he had followed these rules, he would still be here.
    Also, people may begin accusing James of being a conservative. No love, no sex? No drugs, no alcohol? James is sounding more and more like a daddy…

    • James Altucher

      Ha, well I am a daddy. BUT, if your mind is feeling so awry that it can’t handle life, then sex without love (note: i didn’t say “no sex”), alcohol, drugs, will only mess things up more. When you are feeling tired, the last thing you want to do is stay at a dance where everyone hates you.

      • James Altucher

        Also: very sorry to hear about your young family member. Highest cause of death among men ages 18-35 is suicide. People don’t realize how big the issue is because the stigma that arises just from talking about it.

  • Ike Unlisted

    Hi, James! I’m one of the 4,722! Anything you’d like to know about us? I’ve decided to speak for the group.

  • Andreas Moser

    The good news is that people who want to die don’t need to feel bad about it. They should be applauded for taking initiative over their own life:

  • Mike M.

    James, thanks for writing about this. I arbitrarily do Google searches just to see where they lead.  About a year ago a stopped the junk food, soda, and also get more sleep; it is like I pulled myself out of “The Matrix”.   I think kids are especially susceptible to over-prescribed behavioral modification drugs and junk food chemical additives that lead to suicidal thoughts and actions. 

  • 736hundred

    Hey James and Claudia, I love you. I love some of the peeps in the comment section too!

    Friendly love. :)

    • James Altucher

      736!! You’re the best.

  • Already Rich

    James, that people like you exist in the world is a reason to live… you are honest, brilliant, and immensely giving. You are really special. As we all are, but are often too selfish and selfcentered to recognise. You bring out your gifts to share them with others and make their lives better. Because you’re not selfish. Which is why you’re still alive…

    • James Altucher

      Already Rich, thank you so much. I’ve been spending the morning responding to negative comments about me on other blogs so it’s refreshing to get a comment like yours.

  • doug graves

    All good stuff.  Lately I’ve been asked why I don’t go to certain family gatherings and most meetings anymore.  I tell them I’m avoiding people, places, and things that depress me and don’t add value to my life.  It makes most folks angry.  They don’t say anything but it’s like, ‘How dare you!’  It’s a start.

  • Nateislate86

    What drugs do you take to help sleep? None seem to work for me except tranisently… after a few days of taking them, my sleep is even worse…

    • Jeff

      If you haven’t already, try Valerian Root liquid extract (some people require large doses) and Melatonin; both are natural sleep aids, and both are supposedly ‘non-habit-forming’.  I use both around 8p, but in the rare case I still can’t sleep by 10p, I also take an over-the-counter sleep pill like Doxylamine Succinate.

  • Anonymous

    I’d just like to say I found your blog through The Big Picture, not that other stuff ;)

    • James Altucher

      Barry’s a good guy. If you go to his conference later this month, please introduce yourself to me.

  • Anonymous

    James —

    I really enjoyed your post — and, I found you through @greenskeptic:disqus Clever and insightful!

    • James Altucher

      Whitney, thank you and thanks to greenskeptic for introducing you to my blog.

  • C0zmikn0mad

    I got a good chuckle out of this post.  I’ve been reading this blog for a while now and I’ve been suicidal lately, it helped to lift my spirits and dare to hope.  Thank you!

    • James Altucher

      C, thank you!

  • Alex F

    Love it! 

    I’m somewhere pretty isolated for my job and spend a lot of time by myself. Making a point to watch comedies has lifted my spirits over the last month. Thanks.About the “don’t have sex with someone you don’t love” part. I’m at the getting to know you part of the relationship and the sex is great. It’s always been hard for me to say “I love you” and I don’t do it too much. This is one rule I’m going to break. As long as the sex is good, there is a little sweetness in bed and we’ve got something to talk about in the morning, the love part can come later. This is a rule of yours I’m going to break. :)

    • James Altucher

      Well, one thing I can point out: you can be falling in love or actually “in love” without both sides having admitted it to each other yet. If you’re feeling that special feeling, but its unspoken, and you can envision something real with this person, then that’s certainly good enough.

      My main thing was to avoid having sex when i knew the relationship wasn’t going anywhere. Then i think its unhealthy, leads to stressful complications, and might take away from time you can spend where you meet someone you really appreciate and love.

  • Moshkosh

    get the real, true story about James Altucher…here:

  • Janewearsahat

    It’s an odd way to get new readers but it’s great that people find your blog when things are rough. There’s so much garbage out there. You’ve probably saved more lives than you know. Truth has a lot of power.

  • Tielman Cheaney

    Well, I was looking it up in Google’s Keyword tool, and I saw that 40,500 people searched for exactly: “I want to die” last month.  And I was curious what those 40,500 people saw when they did.  And it’s you!  After the ads for suicide prevention, you’re number one.  I read the whole post and half of the comments.

    Here’s how it helped me:
    I’m so Christian.  And you know, if you’ve fallen asleep in church, and you wake up, and everyone is staring at you because the pastor has just asked you a question, you can just blurt out “Jesus!”  And you’ll be okay.  Because in church, the answer is always Jesus.  So I find myself, when talking to really depressed friends, sometimes at a loss.  Because I want to blurt out, “The answer is Jesus!”  Because I really believe that, yes, a direct relationship with the being who orchestrates the world is a life-changing treasure.But that’s a really terrible thing to say to somebody who’s in the darkest place of their life.  It’s arrogant to assume we have the same knowledge base about Jesus, or that I’ve just said magic words, or that they want to go do research about God, or that they don’t already hate God for the events he’s caused in their lives.  It’s too simplistic to blurt that out without a relationship or without proof of love.  

    I don’t know what to say to a person who’s hurting so deeply, but won’t share my faith.  Since my hope all goes to Christ, I don’t know what to tell them to put their hope in.  It makes me a hypocrite to follow a God of love, but not be able to say loving things in a way that will be received.  If I really love you, and you don’t speak my language, I should learn your language.  I should be able to offer encouragement that has nothing to do with getting you into my club.

    You’re not a counselor or psychiatrist.  You just made an honest post about what you went through and how you dealt with it.  You let me see through your eyes.  You communicated your perspective on life and hope so well that I got to share in it.  And now, I can keep sharing it.  Now I have something more to say to a hopeless friend, something beyond a message they might not want to hear.

    So that’s how you helped me.  My understanding is broadened.  Man, you can write well.

    You’re bookmarked.  I skipped around your blog a little… good titles, compelling stories.  I’m surprised you like Neal Gaiman so much!  He seems to go off the rails of good storytelling structure as as much as he stays on.  Mike Baron for me… that guy can juggle.

    Anyway.  Late.  Bed.

    Thanks.  You are cool.  Nerd cool.

    • James Altucher

      Tielman, thanks a lot. I appreciate the comment.

  • Andrew

    Sorry James. I want to die doesn’t even show your post on the first page. Maybe it’s regional and Google Canada just blocks you out.

    • James Altucher

      Someone commented on this exact issue below – the difference between Canada and here. I personally haev not tried it. I’m just taking the stat out of my feedjit logs.

      • James Altucher

        I just tried it actually and I was the#1 result. of course, Google might know that because it knows I visit this site a lot.

  • top fan

    I love your blog. Every single time you remind us not to waste time on crappy people, it cements a little further into my head. I need to hear this like a mantra or else I seem to forget and get stuck again. Thank you for inspiring me one more day.

  • Sooz

     Oh jeez~us..,J.A.
    that is some serious pressure.

    to be there is all that matters..
    (silence is death)

  • Kjp712

    One day in the Future,a whole row on the Bookshelf will be occupied with James Altucher Books.Prolific writers are always remembered for writing,not just dreaming about it.Keep up the Good work!

  • Kellen @ Accountant by Day

    Too bad, people just come to my blog because they are searching for which accounting firm will make them work the least… how boring!

  • Anonymous

    James-  Nearly 25 years ago my best friend “Roger” committed suicide at the ripe ‘ole age of 17.  We grew up together from the time we were in diapers.  Raised in a semi-rural setting, we had an idealistic upbringing.  Bicycles, skinned knees, baseball games, camp outs, girls, 1st cars… a regular John Cougar Melloncamp song in action.  Then as a senior in high school this salt of the earth good guy, a straight A student, an all-star athlete and dedicated Christian… a genuine person that would have done anything for a friend, without warning, without so much as ever mentioning anything about being unhappy or upset… one Sunday morning after his parents left for church he went in the back yard, put a .357 to his temple and ended his life.  He had baseball/basketball/football full ride scholarships to any school of his choice, good friends/family and for reasons we’ll never know ended it on that Superbowl Sunday.  No note.  No autopsy surprises (drugs/tumors etc). Nothing.  Just gone.  

    Of all your suggestions, K & R are (to me) the most important.  You can be best friends with somebody and know them better than anyone else in the world, yet never truly know them.  The “if only” game is for suckers, so I won’t indulge too deeply in it here… but if only.

    Life moves too fast, folks.  Stop and smile occasionally, it might just save a life.

    • Paul Ramsek

      There has been people on legal medication that have committed suicide also,just saying it can be a factor. Also a lot of “religious” families do not share their feelings one to another, as if holding back bad “feelings” was the right thing to do.Even people like Solomon in the Old Testament had “bad days” even years.

  • Paul Sullivan

    I found you through social media /OWS. on facebook.Love your writing and your insights.

  • timothy

    This was honestly one of the most uplifting and actually effective pieces of writing I’ve ever encountered. My gf left me three days ago (yea boo hoo right) and I’m currently living on my own for the first time ever, I’m scared and upset and was contemplating suicide until a friend suggested that I read this. Your unconventional way of explaining why we feel suicidal in the first place, combined with the unique practicality of your advice was to me unmatched in it’s efficiency. Thank you for saving me man, thank you.

  • Anon

    Thanks James I don’t think I’d ever want to die, but I’m really perplexed and worried by how discriminatory people are towards others with suicidal tendencies. They don’t realise that this can be changed. As for me, I loved your post because I’ve been feeling really low and realized that only I could alter it.

  • Theresa Keil

    James, you’re awesome. I’ve done a lot of searching lately for who I am, honest, starting a business, figuring out my meaning, mission, who i care about, who cares about me, what matters…. and the list goes on! you are practically ME from what I read. I’m so excited that you had the guts to write it and you have a wonderful wife and family to support your insanity. Insanity is healthy! Of course, to a certain extend. Regardless, thank you so much. You put a smile on my face that isn’t even a smile, it’s like a body glow of fulfillment and happiness. You rock!

  • Theresa Keil

    James, you’re awesome. I’ve done a lot of searching lately for who I am, honest, starting a business, figuring out my meaning, mission, who i care about, who cares about me, what matters…. and the list goes on! you are practically ME from what I read. I’m so excited that you had the guts to write it all – page after page AFTER PAGE ! Further, you have a wonderful wife and family to support your insanity. Insanity is healthy! Of course, to a certain extent. Regardless, thank you so much. You put a smile on my face that isn’t even a smile, it’s like a body glow of fulfillment and happiness. Let me know if you ever need some authentic photography taken of you and your family, your events, whatever. You rock!

  • jim

    If you want to kill yourself, you should smoke a lot of weed, take some mushrooms in a dark quiet place and read the bhagavad gita over the course of a weekend

  • jim

    the best way to kill yourself is to kill your ego and find whats left over. you will like your consciousness and find it hard to understand the motivation of killing it.

  • Moonsparkle

    I didn’t get here by typing “I want to die” but I have typed something similar in the past. Thank you for the list, I think it’s useful. :) I will try some of these things when I’m feeling really down.