It seems to me, that there is a difference between constructive criticism and downright meanness. Its usually due to a set of little gifts, few have, called common sense and tact.

For example, you wouldn’t tell your friend, that just started painting, “Don’t quit your day job” after you saw his first painting. But you could say something like “Hmm, I’m not sure I am art savvy enough to evaluate this piece.” or “I don’t really understand this piece’s message.”

The trick is to take any criticism for another and begin it as an “I” statement. If you start it as a “you” statement, as in “You don’t know what the hell you are doing” or “You are outta your mind” it immediately throws friends on the defensive. If they are truly friends, its worth the extra time restructuring your responses. By the way, “I think that you need some more practice” is still a “you” statement.

As a fellow genius (ha), I was born without either common sense or tact. I tell it like it is and don’t hold back no matter who you are. I think people should be tougher and just “take it like a man.” However, this has left me with few friends and a family that prefers to live far away. I’ve been working with the above tactic and it works so well. I don’t use it every time I should, but when I use it, it’s never failed.

For the record, this tactic works with non-friends too. It makes you a more likeable person and your co-workers and/or minions will work harder for someone that doesn’t insult them left and right. Plus it makes it easier to get the responses you want from people instead of the dramatic, defensive responses we are so accustomed to.

Oh, and proceed with extreme CAUTION when mixing business with friendship. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. When it doesn’t, usually the friendship goes sour, too.

A friend may disagree but never puts pride before camaraderie. They are quick to forgive and slow to anger. In the end, they believe the best of you despite all your protestations to the contrary.

To have friends, you must first chance to be a friend. In this world of ephemera, smoke and mirrors, you have to dare to be ‘real’.

The crucial difference between a friend and an acquaintance is that they gain nothing from their poor bet on your character but the pleasure of your company. One can never have enough friends but acquaintances can crowd your life and consume the precious moments of your life without enriching it. When you really need help in a difficult time, there is little difficulty in discerning between the two.

I have a very good friend that I’ve known for over 30 years and yet have only seen in person maybe half a dozen times, if that.  We met in high school; all-county orchestra.  We went to different schools, miles away.  After it was over, I didn’t know how to contact them, so I wrote a letter to my friend, care of the other school.  We wrote letters for years – who does that any more?  These days it’s e-mail and phone calls.  But we still are close friends – and, like you said, it picks up right where we left off, no matter how long the pause, and the love is still there.

It really is love, and being loving.

Anyhow, I don’t know if I’m really your friend, or if you’d really be my friend if you got to know me.  But I feel friendly toward you.  Here’s something (relevant) that I like, and I hope you’ll like it too.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LXARdPb4YBs&feature=related

I have a very good friend that I’ve known for over 30 years and yet have only seen in person maybe half a dozen times, if that.  We met in high school; all-county orchestra.  We went to different schools, miles away.  After it was over, I didn’t know how to contact them, so I wrote a letter to my friend, care of the other school.  We wrote letters for years – who does that any more?  These days it’s e-mail and phone calls.  But we still are close friends – and, like you said, it picks up right where we left off, no matter how long the pause, and the love is still there.

It really is love, and being loving.

Anyhow, I don’t know if I’m really your friend, or if you’d really be my friend if you got to know me.  But I feel friendly toward you.  Here’s something (relevant) that I like, and I hope you’ll like it too.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LXARdPb4YBs&feature=related

James, when I first got out of college, I was a bridesmaid in my brother’s wedding & I hated it so much that I swore I’d never do it again. I’ve stuck to that and it has, indeed, cost me some “friends.” People whom I felt I could afford to lose, frankly! Even though I offered to help or participate in their weddings in other ways (e.g., photography, wedding planning, running errands for them, ferrying people to/from the airport), they routinely rejected my offers, disinvited me, and never spoke to me again. This happened to me FOUR TIMES. Four!

And every single time I wondered why, if they valued my friendship so little, did they even invite me to be in their wedding in the first place? I think of this as a “litmus” friendship — where everything ultimately hinges on a single action, rather than on the overall quality of the relationship through time.

I love this post! I have the same standards and the same perspective, and always have had. You inspire me constantly and I add your friendship to the list of many things for which I thank Penelope Trunk, whose blog introduced me to you. =)