Archive for January, 2012

  • How to Have the FORCE
    Posted by on January 22nd, 2012 at 8:28 pm, Comments: 0

    I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to really tell the truth. I think it’s very hard. On this blog, for the past 400 days, I’ve told the truth. And that’s probably the only time in my life. I would say every other part of my life I’ve mostly lied, either to myself or others. I’m really sorry if one of you are reading this. If you even know.

    It doesn’t mean I’ve said everything I thought (so-called “radical honesty”where there is no filter between brain and mouth) and it doesn’t mean I’ve revealed everything possible although as one person once put it, “reading James Altucher’s blog is like watching an ongoing train wreck”. Believe me, it could be a lot more of a wreck.

  • About the Time I Wanted to Smother My Father to Death
    Posted by on January 19th, 2012 at 1:56 am, Comments: 0

    I thought about putting a pillow over my dad until he was smothered dead. He was just lying there looking at the ceiling and the doctors said his brain was basically over. I could barely even hear him breathe and he couldn’t move at all except blink. Who would care if I smothered him? It would take me about two minutes.

    Instead, I chickened out. I felt obligated to stay there for an hour so I could say I put in my time with him. I watched the stock market on the TV in the room. I was short the market and the market was going straight up. So my dead-but-alive father was right there and I was losing money. What a horrible day. I left the home he was imprisoned in.

  • 9 Things I Learned From Woody Allen
    Posted by on January 17th, 2012 at 1:09 am, Comments: 0

    I hate Woody Allen. Here’s why. Because if you’re Jewish and a little neurotic then it has become a cliché that nerdy neurotic Jewish people describe themselves as “Woody Allen-esque” thinking it will attract women. They do this on dating services. The idea is that they will then attract some waif-like Mia Farrow-ish  (or the 17-year-old Mariel Hemingway in Manhattan) blonde who will love all of their neuroses and want to have sex all the time and will, in the ideal case (the 17-year-old Mariel Hemingway in Manhattan, the 21-year-old Juliette Lewis in Husbands & Wives), be the most mature  in the movie and yet still be madly in love with the 30-year-older Allen.

  • How to Write Your Own Two Page Self Help Book in Thirty Seconds
    Posted by on January 15th, 2012 at 4:28 pm, Comments: 0

    Sometimes I’m really bad at following advice. Even my own advice. I still get afraid at three in the morning. I’m still afraid of losing the people I love. Or money I’ve earned. Or I’m afraid of people talking about me behind my back. Or maybe my kids won’t like me. Or maybe Claudia won’t like me if she finds out about the “real” me.

    Or I get shy at a dinner or a party. Sometimes I feel like I’m scared all the time. And if I’m not scared, I’m angry. Like why didn’t they call me back? Or answer my emails? Or why does this one person send me angry messages all the time?

  • Ask James: Happiness, God, Morality, Dating Advice, and Charlie Sheen
    Posted by on January 14th, 2012 at 9:05 am, Comments: 0

    Every Thursday I do this Q&A from 3:30-4:30PM. It’s probably the funnest part of the week for me. I love doing it. And then writing this post. I hope to keep doing them.

    HOWEVER, for the next two weeks I’m in India. So the timing won’t work out. So I have to take a two week break. That said, if you have a question (in 140 characters or less) send to me at I’ll answer either through email or in a post (where I will hide email addresses).

    Another two notes: