Archive for February, 2012

I Get No Respect

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I asked Rodney Dangerfield what was the craziest thing he ever saw at three in the morning. Without skipping a beat he said, “Her husband came home!” We talked some more. He was more somber than I thought he would be. He told me how he was an aluminum siding salesman and then when he […] Read On…

Clean Your Room

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Did I just do bullshit? That sounds disgusting but I’m being sincere. Did I write some bullshit down here? Because I wrote in the last post, “be kind to yourself”. Do that before you attempt any other method for being happy (religion, money, yoga, love, etc). You can’t attempt any path to happiness if the […] Read On…

What is the Method to Your Madness

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“You have to come get me,” she called me at 2 in the morning and was crying. “I’m at a bar, I’m drunk, and I’m going to go home with the next stranger, male or female, who tries to pick me up.” She was desperately unhappy. She was beautiful, had millions of dollars due to […] Read On…

What To Do When She Leaves You

broken_heart_on valentine's day

If you haven’t heard, today is Valentine’s Day, the worst holiday known to mankind except for maybe Father’s Day, which is 100% commercial and has no historical backdrop. Valentine’s Day has some history although not really. It’s named after a St. Valentine, although we don’t know which one (there were three) and we don’t know […] Read On…

10 Ways to Forgive The Person You Want to Kill

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I know exactly what I’m going to do. Don’t tell anyone. I’m going to  put on a ski mask, find where they live in Brooklyn, show up at their door when they leave for work about six in the morning, and hit them with a baseball bat.  I might not even wear a ski mask. […] Read On…

10 Ways to Get Rid of Writer’s Block RIGHT NOW

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I haven’t written in 24 hours. I feel sick now. Like my brain is empty. Please, Mr. Blank Paper on my screen (or maybe you are female and refusing to talk to me) just sculpt out some words so that I can say the writer’s block is over and I can hit “Save Draft” and […] Read On…