Archive for March, 2012

  • How to Quit Therapy
    Posted by on March 23rd, 2012 at 12:09 pm, Comments: 0

    My preparation starts about 12-24 hours in advance. I’m going to pitch a story idea. The worst thing that has happened to me this past week. The thing that I feel the most DOWN about. Dig deep. What happened? Who? Where? How? Why am I so upset?

    No. Deeper. There has to be real pain there. BLEED.

    I go into my mental treasure chest for this sort of thing: (Did Claudia do something? Did my kids? Family members? Friends? Am I too anxious about blog statistics? Bank account? Did someone rob me, screw me, punch me, or worse yet, insult me)  I need to script it out, play it back and prepare prepare prepare like I’m pitching a movie. Then I pitch.

  • How to Disappear Completely And Never Be Found
    Posted by on March 22nd, 2012 at 9:00 am, Comments: 0

    I wanted to move into a homeless shelter because I thought that girls who were homeless would be more likely to go out with me. I had this fantasy version of what a homeless shelter would be like. We’d sneak around to each others rooms as if they were dorm rooms. It would be romantic. Lots of giggling. And crack smoking. Heck, I’d try it. For love.

    (I pictured a homeless girl looking like this)

  • Who Makes Money on Wall Street?
    Posted by on March 19th, 2012 at 3:46 pm, Comments: 0

    I came up with an ultra-perfect top-secret method for beating the stock market. I saw it right there on the screen after thirty straight hours of computer programming. My heart was beating fast. I was sweating when I went to sleep. I could only sleep for about two or three hours and I had to get up and check my work. I added up all the money I was going to make. I would never work again!

    It didn’t work.

    Every day I get a message that sounds something like this. “Can you introduce me to Steve Cohen. I have something that will make him a lot of money.”

  • A FoolProof Diet
    Posted by on March 18th, 2012 at 6:39 pm, Comments: 0

    She threw up in the bathroom after every bite of sushi. We were at Nobu, a relatively expensive sushi place in NYC. Earlier that day she had gone to the doctor and had her stomach stapled. Actually, that’s not quite correct. It was a newer technology. There was a band surgically placed inside of her stomach. When she wanted to prevent herself from eating, she would go to the doctor and he would tighten the band. And then later, she would get him to loosen it.

    (here’s how gastric banding works)

  • Ask James: Ron Paul, Confidence, Envy, Tips to a New Blogger, Whats the Biggest Hurdle to Making Your First Million?
    Posted by on March 16th, 2012 at 11:43 am, Comments: 0

    Every Thursday from 3:30-4:30 PM EST I do a Twitter Q&A, answer questions, and then expand some of the answers into this blog post. Follow me on Twitter.

    IS MARRIED BOYFRIEND USING YOUR FRIEND?

    Rachel S.@rachelosis  Is there any way to convince someone that the married person they’re seeing is only using them??

    ANSWER:

    Not with rational, intellectual arguments. They will just argue back. You can be as rational as possible but the heart will do what the heart will do.