Archive for February, 2013

And Then Bad Things Happened

It was Claudia’s birthday but everything turned to shit. We checked into a nice hotel in the city where I had booked a normal room. I mentioned it was Claudia’s birthday and they gave us a good upgrade for no additional charge. Marilyn Monroe apparently used to live in the room we were upgraded to. […] Read On…

In Case You Missed It…

Someone just tweeted that they hate when someone tweets, “In Case You Missed It…”. Because probably nobody missed it so why tweet it again? This guy HATES that. I don’t know. Why all the hate? If I were to eat a tennis ball and then try to shit it out, I would hate that. That’s […] Read On…

Making Money. Living Large

Instead of going to school, I hid in the back behind the chimney. I heard the garage door open and close twice. My parents were gone. I ran through the corn field out back to Route 27. I took the bus to NYC and got out at Port Authority. On 42nd Street guys would yell […] Read On…

I Want To Be Like Google When I Grow Up

Dear Google, I sort of want to have sex with you. Or I want you to be my father. Or my best friend. I don’t know, I feel so nervous writing this letter. I hope you write back but you can’t because you’re God and God has to care for all of Her People and […] Read On…

I Want My Kids to Be Drug Addicts

Lynn, our child’s babysitter, was a drug addict and her doctor told her that her brain scan was the same as that of an 80 year old man’s who had multiple strokes. Lynn was afraid to tell us she needed to take a few days off from watching Josie so she could go on Oprah […] Read On…

Three Stories About Billionaires

I’m a little nervous about hitting “publish” on this post because it’s definitely going to go viral in the massive very close-knit billionaire community. You know, the many people who post anonymously on Internet message boards. Claudia and I led a retreat a few weekends ago about yoga and some of the other things I’ve […] Read On…