Archive for May, 2013

Why Do Anything?

I don’t know. I don’t want to do anything. Everyone says things like: “I’m feeling stuck” Or, “I wish I knew what my purpose was” OR “I have lot’s of ideas, what do I do next?”. Do nothing. Why do you have to do anything? I was at a conference this past week. I was […] Read On…

THERE’S NO PAINLESS WAY TO KILL YOURSELF

I gave my 11 year old daughter important advice the other day: there’s no painless way to kill yourself. “What about with a gun?” she said. I told her about a friend of mine who shot himself in the mouth. He put the gun in his mouth and pointed upwards towards the brain. He missed. […] Read On…

How to Win Friends and Influence People

One time I tried to move into a homeless shelter in Pittsburgh. I had this image that it would be like some sort of sex dormitory. I would meet all of these homeless ex-prostitutes or lonely single mothers and we would sneak into each other’s rooms and fall in love. We would whisper really quietly […] Read On…

HOW TO QUIT YOUR JOB

  I wanted to quit my job. I hated my boss. He always yelled at me. I hated my co-workers. They always yelled at me. I was addicted to playing chess online. One time my girlfriend called at 6pm and said, “don’t forget, we have guests coming over for dinner in a half hour.” I […] Read On…

The Benefits of Self-Publishing

If anyone has any doubts about the stigma of self-publishing and whether or not it is here to stay you only have to check out the recently self-published and instant cult classic “Urine Therapy – How to Drink Your own Urine” by “Craig Smith”. According to “Craig”, urine is pretty sterile and contains excess “good […] Read On…

YOU EVER GO TOTALLY CRAZY?

You ever wake up and you just don’t feel like moving? Then you have coffee but you don’t feel like getting to work? There’s a scary feeling in your stomach and the coffee just makes it worse. And then you get to work and you just don’t feel like talking to anyone? You feel like […] Read On…

Destroy Your Masters!

First we put an ad in the paper: “looking to go on a date with a pretty girl? Please write back.” We got over 100 responses. Then we picked out a restaurant. We arrived before the date and wired up the restaurant. We picked out a table and put recording equipment in the vase. We […] Read On…