Do You Make Fear Decisions or Growth Decisions?

fear or growth

I was afraid I was going to lose my biggest client. And my job. So I let him yell at me repeatedly.

I met a friend of mine. She said, “My grandma told me there are only two types of decisions: Decisions made out of fear and decisions made out of growth.”

For instance, do you stay in your job because you are afraid you won’t get another job? Or do you stay in your job because you are excited about the growth potential there?

Do you stay in a relationship because you are afraid you won’t meet someone else, or you are afraid it will be bad for your kids, or you are afraid of hurting someone else?

Or do you stay in a relationship because you are truly grateful the other person is in your life (and hopefully, vice versa).

I thought about it. I picked all of major decisions in my life.

– Moving to NYC for HBO
– Leaving HBO to start a company
– Getting married the first time. The second time.
– Getting divorced. Having kids.
– Moving 80 miles out of NYC after losing home and money.
– Trying to sell a company before it had fully bloomed.
– Not taking business trips because I was nervous about what would happen if I left home.

And on and on. Grandma was right!

Every decision I have made has either been fear or growth.

Not just big decisions but even the smallest decisions.

And the fear-based decisions never worked out for me. When I made a fear based decision it was always because I was giving power to someone else.

I’d make a fear-based decision out of insecurity. Out of a feeling of scarcity. Out of giving too much power to others so they would control my life.

The growth-based decisions all resulted in miracles I could not have imagined.

With growth-based decisions you feel it in your body: an expansion of your chest, ideas in your mind, a feeling of competence increasing. A feeling of freedom expanding.

A growth-based decision becomes the story of your life later. A fear-based decision turns into regret.

In fear-based decisions, you feel it in your head – I better do this…OR ELSE. I listened to one of my first bosses yell at me so many times because I was afraid he would fire me if I argued.

I didn’t want to get fired because I had a company on the side and HBO (my job at the time) was the biggest client. I had no confidence in my company. So fear of losing a client prevented me from devoting all of my time to the real growth in my life

One time I was scared I was going to go broke again.

So I took a job. I tried to convince myself that it was a growth decision. Maybe I would expand at the job and create opportunities.

But the first day at the job I fell straight to the ground for no reason. Everyone laughed and said, “Are you ok?” and I got up because I was ashamed and embarrassed at all the people looking at me.

I started to limp because I hurt my leg so badly.

The second day at the job, the boss of the company told me, “Trust me on your salary. We’ll take care of you.”

And I was afraid to argue. He was the boss.

The third day at the job, I got up and walked out. I didn’t clean out my office. I left my jacket there. I took the elevator down 40 stories. I walked out into the sun.

And I never went back. They called repeatedly. Even a year later the main guy was still calling. Is still calling.

My life is better than ever. I never looked back. I left the building and walked to Grand Central. I took the train 80 miles. I watched the leaves turning from green to red along the way across the Hudson River.

I came to my house and walked the one block to the river and breathed in the air not knowing how, what, why. Not thinking about money for the first time in months.

And then I noticed. I wasn’t limping. My leg didn’t hurt.

Not everything went good for me after that decision. Some pretty awful things happened.

My heart tore open more than once. My fears about money came back again and again.

But it was a growth decision. And bit by bit, the growth decisions added up. And bit by bit, I grew to love my life more than I ever had.

Thank you, my friend’s Grandma.


Read More: The 100 Rules for Being an Entrepreneur 

  • Akhil Sura

    Simple but strong :) Such a timely post!

  • Gridlocked

    James,

    Thank you for writing this. I have been dealing with similar things and this really spoke to me. I appreciate your posts all the time, but this one really hit home. Only the best to you now and going forward!

  • Although I knew that everything is a choice I have managed to avoid the obvious – that I am making them ! Of course; and avoidance = fear. Thank you and to Grandma.

  • VMC

    Sometimes an opportunity contains elements of both fear and growth – those are the best!

  • Dan Elias

    Great post! Our minds have limitless potential to manifest any thoughts that we put out into the universe. When we continue to make decisions out of fear and insecurity we, inevitably, manifest just that in our lives. Still, sometimes it’s hard to know if we are making a decision based on growth or fear. How do I ensure that I stay true to myself in moments of great uncertainty?

    • TOM FANTASIA

      Dan….You just asked a question out of fear. And that is the fear of the unknown. No one knows the answer to it, because no one can predict the future. Follow what your heart tells you to do, even if others tell you differently.
      Some speak from their personal experience, therefore they know the probable outcome. Who’s to say the experience they had, wasn’t based off a fear based decision, when they had to make it. If they are trying to give you advice, then find out what made them act as they did, when they made it.

  • Bryce Chua

    Very insightful! I’ve recently been having thoughts on making better goals and resolutions for myself in the coming year. And this certainly helps crystallize the direction I want to take moving forward.

  • Well very inspiring and motivational article.These fears are the hurdles in our way of success if someone is able to defeat them then he will be successful too.

  • Juan Orellana

    What a great post!!!

  • Vida Wright

    James Altucher, you are an amazing writer. When I read your blogs, I feel the pull of a cord in my heart:)!

  • Tom

    I totally resonate on leaving the corporate world side. I had those thoughts for quite some time, but after making that decision to live a life of freedom and working on my online business was absolutely the best decision i’ve ever made. Eventhough things don’t go the way i wanted to in the first place, still i keep on believing that there will be light at the end of the tunnel.

    Truly inspiring! Thanks for sharing this heartfelt article James!

    Definitely gonna share this. Keep them coming!

    Cheers,
    Tom

  • qusdis

    Thank you. This was a very inspirational article!

  • Peter Osiago

    Oh boy! How we have been conditioned in this world! Indeed wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.

  • Peter Osiago

    Six days later and this sh!t goes down almost exactly….So I took a job. I tried to convince myself that it was a growth decision. Maybe I would expand at the job and create opportunities. But the first day to the job I woke up to a terrible ‘running’ stomach. It is almost as if my body knew this was not a growth decision for me, right from the onset. I had ignored the gut feeling I got when I’d gone over to interview, telling myself that looks could be deceiving.

  • Mike Post

    When you’re starving and desperate, you can only make fear decisions. Growth decisions are a luxury.

    So the question is how do we create equal opportunity so that everyone can be “enabled” the luxury to make growth decisions?

  • Coachpatrickv

    The most emotional article I have read in a while. Very inspiring. We really do create our own fear. It would not exist without us.

  • Dear James:
    (a letter)
    I wonder how and when you crawled inside my brain. I want to marry you-to-me and it has nothing to do with love, especially since I no longer believe in love. Or
    dreams. I live every day in fear. Fear of what, I am not sure. Finding myself,
    defining myself? Existential crisis, I call it.

    I’m not sure what I want, but I know for certain it’s not what I have, it’s not where I
    am. I have no desire to write a daily gratitude journal and I’ve fallen out of
    my habit of prayer. I’ve lost 85 pounds and yet I do not feel success, but live
    in fear of regaining the weight. I live in fear of engaging in life. I engage
    regularly in negative self-talk and avoid mirrors like quicksand. I catch
    myself looking sometimes, and then quickly sink, unable to acknowledge what I
    see, what I know, what I feel.

    I write almost daily, as that is how I choose to define myself, as a writer, for now, but it’s
    not enough and my writing takes me to places that make my present, and past, and
    future situation even more difficult to accept. I feel sad and scared and weak.
    And I hate it.

    My house (which I bought 15 years ago in pursuit of a certain previous unfulfilled dream) has been on the market for 15 months, and my job fulfills me not. I have no sense of purpose. My life is on hold.

    I do have family, but they are far away, living their lives and waiting for me to be happy with mine.

    There’s my gratitude, I guess: my family, who waits. I have family out there in the
    big, bad, scary world. I think they still want me. They say they do. My belief,
    even in that regard, fails to sustain me.

    I misspoke when I said I don’t know what I want. What I don’t know is who I am, or where I belong, or just quite how to get there. I’ve spent seven years digging myself
    out of poverty after following and failing at a dream. I’m on the cusp (of what…freedom?), but the cusp is dragging out and I’m not getting younger. Life seems to be drifting by me. Not to mention the fear factor of taking yet another risk. At
    what? My life? Another dream?

    So, what? Do I walk away, let the house go into foreclosure? Damage my
    newly-acquired-near-perfect credit score? In search of my happiness? Where do I
    draw a line in the sand of the wave-worn beach that is my life (lo that it were
    a beach!)? When do I draw, and then cross over (or plough through?), the line in
    the sand, between fiscal responsibility and personal (selfish) responsibility?

    My dreams aside, what would you do? Fiscally? Happily? Personally responsibly?

    P.S. I don’t expect a deeply personal response, though I would love to hear your thoughts. I’ve read several of the books on your recommended list. (I am working right now on “The Medici Effect.” I do, at the heart of it all, aspire to meaning if not greatness, though these days mediocre would be a huge step in the right direction.)

    The way I see it, this letter cost me zero dollars, but it could change my life. No
    pressure. I needed to put it out there. Somewhere. You opened the door.

    Thank you for what you do. You are making a huge contribution to society, in my humble opinion. And I value your opinion.

    Sincerely,
    Dawn Ricklefs

  • Alex Canby

    Fuck yeah. Taking notes on this one.