Change the World

  • How to Change the World (Or…How to Occupy Yourself)
    Posted by on November 2nd, 2011 at 3:00 pm, Comments: 0

    I cheated. When I was in college I took six courses a semester and then worked another 20-30 hours a week to pay for my bills (on top of the debt I was incurring). Often I had to miss classes because I had a job that I had to go to. One time I showed up for a midterm and the room was empty. Later I found out the midterm was the day before. I had to convince the professor to let me retake the midterm.

  • I’m Running for Vice-President of the United States
    Posted by on October 23rd, 2011 at 6:20 pm, Comments: 0

    “Dan Quayle might go down in history as one of the greatest Vice-Presidents of all time.”

    I said that.

    “I’m sure after Dan Quayle dies people will realize what a great President he would’ve been.”

    I said that also.

    I was on a date with a girl with frizzy, blonde hair, glasses, who smoked and gave me a cigarette. I had smoked maybe 5 cigarettes in my life at that point. I smoked the cigarette the girl gave me.

    She was from Indiana. Loved Dan Quayle.

  • Ten Unusual Ways to Get in the Top 1%
    Posted by on October 20th, 2011 at 8:57 am, Comments: 0

    At midnight my door opened and I saw the shadow of someone about 4 feet tall walk into my room and stand by my side of the bed. “I can’t sleep,” she said and she was smart enough to also say, “my mind is racing”. Over the nine years of her life so far she has probably heard me say that many times. Like when I was losing a home and I threw a chair and the police were called. The third time police had to be called on me in life (out of five).


    (she was 7 when this was painted)

  • If You’re a Billionaire You Probably Have One of these Six Diseases
    Posted by on October 6th, 2011 at 7:34 pm, Comments: 0

    I was walking with my kids by the river and they asked me what was the happiest moment of my life and I said, “right here, walking with my two lovebirds right by the river”. It was all green and lush and no people were around and there was just us the river, and mountains protecting us from whatever evil existed on the other side. It was also gray and I hate sunny weather and there was a very slight drizzle that was refreshing.

    I said, “when I’m eventually dead you’ll remember moments like this.”

  • Eliminate the FDA, the Insurance Companies, and Medical Education Before They Kill You
    Posted by on September 28th, 2011 at 7:00 am, Comments: 0

    I’m a doctor. That’s not quite enough. Some might take that to mean I’m a “Doctor of  Philosophy”. A PhD. In fact, I was rudely thrown out of graduate school. I asked to at least use the office for the summer but they said, “No.”. I needed to pack all my stuff and be out by afternoon. While packing my desk I found a woman’s earring underneath but that’s another story.

    (this man threw me out of grad school but, through an odd set of circumstances, we are now best friends)