Personal Stories

  • My Minimalism Manifesto
    Posted by on December 29th, 2011 at 9:05 am, Comments: 0

    Claudia and I spent the entire Thanksgiving on an airplane, going from San Francisco to New York. We avoided the entire holiday.

    (I don't even know how to carve one of these things up)

    Cooking, cleaning, getting together with relatives, all the small talk, all the hateful talk, all the gossipy talk, all the expenses. I hate that shit. Claudia slept almost the entire way. We got home by 11pm.

    For most of the prior two weeks I had been on the road. I didn’t miss home at all (although I missed my kids even if they seemed to easily survive two weeks without me).

  • Why I Write Ideas Every Day
    Posted by on November 6th, 2011 at 6:31 pm, Comments: 0

    The last time I used a phone booth I ended up with shit all over my head. I had to get tampons or diapers or some other family-related product that in 33 years of living I had never had to get before. So in the three minutes it took for me to walk from my house to the drugstore I forgot completely what it was.

  • I Surrender
    Posted by on October 30th, 2011 at 5:18 pm, Comments: 0

    I was going to go out of business or get sued.

    I had just started my fund of hedge funds and on our fourth month in business our main investor said, “I’m going out of business and I need my money back.” Apparently he had never told HIS investors that he was putting money in a fund of funds and he had promised them their money back right away.  I couldn’t give him his money back for at least a year. He had given me around $20 million.

    I had to do something.

  • My One Year Blogiversary – What I’ve Learned
    Posted by on October 27th, 2011 at 2:41 pm, Comments: 0

    I think I amputated my arm on this blog over this past year.  At one point Henry Blodget asked me, “what happened to you?” because everything in my writing turned upside down. One of my neighbors asked me last January, “are you about to kill yourself or something?

    Every day I do surgery on myself. I try to cut out my ugliness. We all have pure affection as kids. Then, when we get older, our ugliness carves itself into our insides. We hurt people. People hurt us. Memories crop up that can’t be forgotten. We fail. We lose money. We get rejected. Our breath stinks. Our lies rise up in the heat and can’t be caught. I started the blog wanting to surgically remove all the things inside me that made me ugly. Hideous. Miserable.

  • I’m Running for Vice-President of the United States
    Posted by on October 23rd, 2011 at 6:20 pm, Comments: 0

    “Dan Quayle might go down in history as one of the greatest Vice-Presidents of all time.”

    I said that.

    “I’m sure after Dan Quayle dies people will realize what a great President he would’ve been.”

    I said that also.

    I was on a date with a girl with frizzy, blonde hair, glasses, who smoked and gave me a cigarette. I had smoked maybe 5 cigarettes in my life at that point. I smoked the cigarette the girl gave me.

    She was from Indiana. Loved Dan Quayle.