How should a single person find someone?
Clint Smith @thecrint: how should a single person find someone? Pitfalls to avoid?
I’m ashamed to admit this: I’ve basically never given myself a chance to be alone. I always went from one relationship to the next. Which, of course, led to many unpleasant relationships. I think I was afraid to be alone. But consequently, I feel like I’ve mastered the art of meeting someone:
Step one: Be everywhere they are. Where are they? If you are a man, the women are in dance classes, cooking classes, art classes, and on online dating services. I met Claudia on J-Date.
Step two: Don’t be afraid to ask. Start asking out everyone you think is attractive. It works. Practice today. Don’t be afraid of rejection. You see someone on the street say, “Nice dress”. If she smiles back, maybe ask her out. Don’t be rude. Just be pleasant about it.
Step three: It’s quantity first, then quality. Ask out as many people as possible. Go out on as many dates as you possibly can. Do coffee in the afternoon with one, dinner at night with another. Quantity.
Step four: Quality: The only way you will find quality is to cut your losses. How do you cut your losses. This is goal-driven. Make sure your goal is not simply: “to have sex” or “to get a girlfriend”. You want someone who likes you. Who doesn’t do “The Rules” of trying to “neg” you or make you chase after her or anything that smells like a game. The theme of what you want is someone who likes you, who is easy to be with, where things happen naturally. Cut IMMEDIATELY anyone who doesn’t go along with that theme, even if you are amazingly attracted to them.
Does this seem sexist? Of course some women go to tech meetups or chess clubs. But at the average tech meetup it’s about a 9:1 ratio. I don’t like gambling in situations where the odds are against me. If your goal is to meet someone, go where the odds are on your side. Or, as Wayne Gretzky says, “I don’t skate to where the puck is, I skate to where the puck is going”.